There was a time when feminism was about empowerment and equality, when women wanted an equal chance to win or lose as long as the rules were the same for all. Women didn't want to be dictated to, coddled or protected. They discovered that they could accomplish anything men could...do any job, be the boss, run a company, fly a fighter jet. So, when exactly did women decide to take a 180 degree turn into whining, fear, need, and blame? I must have missed the memo.
More and more I've noticed that people who identify themselves as feminists fear and demonize men. Men are scary, men will hurt them, men need to learn that they are scary vile creatures who need to behave in certain ways so as not to frighten the delicate sensibilities of women. Wow, flashback to the Victorian age.
Now, I got into an argument along this line over at a certain web site and after just having my mind blown by the responses and wanting to "be nice" I simply gave up. This is my house, and I don't have to be nice so here's the thing .... some of these women are so entrenched in the culture of victim-hood that every offense is and attack and a victimization. Basically, they blame men for their own failings and behaviors. They place expectations on men that they themselves would, hopefully, bristle at immediately.
One example is the idea that one can sexually harass up the chain of command. Can't happen, it's about power and the one in power cannot be harassed by an underling unless, and here's the crux of the matter, they allow it. If someone works for you and they're being crude you need to be assertive and use the authority of your position to correct their behavior. If you allow it to continue unchecked IT'S YOUR FAULT. If you cannot function because of an irrational fear of men who work for you attacking you after an admonishment you need medication and therapy. You also have no business hiring anyone for anything. Seriously, is you need that much hand holding just have someone do these things for you so as to save yourself and everyone else a whole lot of unnecessary grief.
Another fine example, OK there's nothing fine about it really, is that men should behave in particular ways to avoid frightening or offending women. I actually saw pulling over in a car referred to as a "scary male behavior". Excuse me but feminism started with the ideal that men could not dictate to women how they should behave just because they were women. Now it's OK to dictate to men? Respect runs both ways. If they can't dictate to us we can't dictate to men. It's called equality. Wasn't that a core belief of feminism at one time? When did a double standard and demonizing men become the rule?
Then there's the fear factor. When did it go from take back the night to living in fright? The idea that any man at any time can turn on you is not only irrational it's bigoted. It also sounds frighteningly familiar. It sounds like what southern whites said about blacks in the dark days of slavery. Feminism was based on the idea that bigotry based on sex was wrong. That includes bigotry towards opposite sex, ladies.
All the evil in the world is not the fault of men. Criminals commit criminal acts, merely having a Y chromosome is not a factor. If you cannot Girl Up in any given situation it's not the fault of men, it's yours. Your fear, your failing, your inability to function cannot be blamed on whatever man happens to be handy. Bad things happen to everyone, some people cope and some don't. To try and rationalize blaming men for your inability to cope isn't feminism, it's the antithesis of feminism. Please do me a favor and call yourselves something else. I'd suggest man-hating castrating harpies. Wait, isn't that what men feared most the movement would become way back in the 70s? Congratulations you've set the movement back over 30 years. Seriously, turn off Lifetime, put on your big girl panties, and stop whining. I want my movement back.
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4 comments:
I've never met someone calling themselves a feminist who thinks like you've described. Those women are scared women, and our society has probably given them good cause to be that way. My guess is that you have never been exposed to a situation in which you were sexually harassed, raped or abused. Perhaps you are a lucky woman, brought up to take care of yourself. News fucking flash: Most women are brought up to think that they are weak. Now they know that they don't have to take that bullshit, but they still don't know what to do about it.
The women you have described are simply women who perhaps look to other feminists in hopes of finding something. I believe that men and women are completely equal. I believe that some women are much weaker than some men. On the flip side, I believe that some men are much weaker than women. Emotionally, I can withstand much more pressure and stress than my husband can. Much, much more. If someone were sexually harassing me, I am honestly not sure what I would do. It cannot be a comfortable or straightforward position to be in.
What you might consider, is considering that the world is not, to use a lovely cliche, black and white. Maybe I am wrong, I will consider that, and you were in situations worse than I can imagine and you were very strong and soldiered through it. If that's the case, then you still need to be aware that every woman is different. That is one of the notions that the 70s movement lacked: uniqueness and individuality. Sure it was claimed, but certainly not upheld.
I am always curious about people who see their view as the only possible way. Why is it hard for you to understand that different backgrounds, different environments and different chemical compounds in the brain create different responses to situations?
I am a feminist and a humanist. You are a self-obsessed bitch.
The nice thing, though, about a world that isn't black and white? You can change and you can evolve. I strongly encourage that. I also encourage looking up facts before blabbering for the whole world to see.
I am honestly not trying to just rail on you, but I strongly disagree with just about everything you have said and I feel that someone needs to speak to you. I hope that you will read and take to heart something. I am not trying to be mean, but I feel that you need to hear something with some force behind it for you to actually listen.
Because I didn't appropriately address it:
"Men are scary, men will hurt them, men need to learn that they are scary vile creatures who need to behave in certain ways so as not to frighten the delicate sensibilities of women. Wow, flashback to the Victorian age."
Back in the late 1800s, men were not scary, vile creatures who needed to behave in certain ways so as not to frighten the delicate sensibilities of women. They were men and they ruled. They could do whatever they damn well pleased.
Feminists these days that "demonize" men are saying that to some women men come across this way. They point out when men cross the line into the Victorian age and beat their women for burning the toast. They say that some men can be vile and horrendous and that we women should not be afraid.
You have not listened to these feminists speak, you have only heard snippets that fit snugly with whatever it was you previously thought. You have not opened up your mind to modern feminism, to the modern woman, or to the modern world in which millions of women are raped and sexually tortured on a daily basis. If only we could convince those Sudanese women to just say no to the men with machetes and ill-functioning machine guns. You must think they are such weak sluts.
"I've never met someone calling themselves a feminist who thinks like you've described."
Then you are either very young, not particularly well read or both. There's a broad range of feminists and feminist perspectives, mine are not so rare.
"The women you have described are simply women who perhaps look to other feminists in hopes of finding something."
No, the women I described are whiners and cowards who cling to the feminist label in order to gain some sense of self without actually having to work at any sort of self realization or analysis.
"That is one of the notions that the 70s movement lacked: uniqueness and individuality."
Sorry, I call bullshit on this one.
"You are a self-obsessed bitch...I am honestly not trying to just rail on you..."
Ummm ya are you even paying attention to the crap you're spewing or is it free-form?
"Back in the late 1800s, men were not scary, vile creatures who needed to behave in certain ways so as not to frighten the delicate sensibilities of women."
Actually, they were. It's one of the reasons for the large number of brothels at the time. Men were thought to have uncontrollable urges too horrible to unleash on the delicate proper wives. Brothels were a socially acceptable method of "unleashing the beast" so to speak. The monster within was also a common theme in the literature of the time.
"Feminists these days that "demonize" men are saying that to some women men come across this way."
WRONG. It's the way SOME WOMEN interpret the behavior of men. That on us girls. Being condemned for innocent behavior because is some unknown and unanticipated reaction based on someone else's bad experiences is wrong. It's not the men who have the issues.
"You have not listened to these feminists speak, you have only heard snippets that fit snugly with whatever it was you previously thought."
Well that's quite an assumption and you know what they say happens when you assume. Just because I don't agree doesn't mean I haven't listened. I've ready pretty extensively on the subject and from feminists of many perspectives.
"If only we could convince those Sudanese women to just say no to the men with machetes and ill-functioning machine guns. You must think they are such weak sluts."
And here we go with the COMPLETE LACK OF PERSPECITVE I was addressing in the first place. Are you really comparing institutionalized brutalization and oppression to an off color joke in an industrialized country's modern work place. Seriously, you think that sort of crime is on par with a snide comment someone overheard from a workman? When they were the BOSS? When they didn't want to discipline their underlings? Seriously?
Thanks for the display of the exact histrionics I was talking about. And for undermining the very real plight of very real victims of very real crimes by comparing them to a sexist joke on the job. I could take them down but I think I'll leave them, I couldn't have made up a better example of what's wrong with modern feminism. Should I check over mu shoulder for the PC police now?
Extra nice touch? I can't click to your profile ... it's private.
WUSS =)
Hey, i know this is a year late. I stumbled across this site in researching various takes on feminism.
I would however like to note, the comment made by 'Ani' - 'I am a feminist and a humanist. You are a self-obsessed bitch.'
Of course, you're entitled to your opinion and you can express it however you would like. But perhaps you need to read up on third generation feminism. I don't know how old you are, your values or beliefs, but by your language usage I'm going to assume you're part of the third generation of feminists. And it is extremely contradictory to the Women's movement to call a fellow woman a 'bitch'.
Some may argue you've fallen to the patriarchal society...
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